I'm a 7 in a relationship with a 6. Anyone else in a relationship of this combination? : Enneagram
Type 5, the Observer, and Type 7, the Epicure. Synergies and Challenges | Key Conflicts. Observers appreciate Epicures' positive outgoing. Enneagram Type Six (the Loyalist) with. Enneagram Type Seven (the Enthusiast) In intimate relationships, the same balance pertains: Sevens are the. Keep in mind that one can have a relationship with any type if the two people are healthy. Since this is not always the Type 3 - The Achiever. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9.
Kennedy, Malcolm X, George H. Sixes are also loyal to ideas, systems, and beliefs—even to the belief that all ideas or authorities should be questioned or defied. In any case, they will typically fight for their beliefs more fiercely than they will fight for themselves, and they will defend their community or family more tenaciously than they will defend themselves.
The reason Sixes are so loyal to others is that they do not want to be abandoned and left without support—their Basic Fear. Thus, the central issue for type Six is a failure of self-confidence.
If suitable structures do not exist, they will help create and maintain them. Sixes are the primary type in the Thinking Center, meaning that they have the most trouble contacting their own inner guidance.
This does not mean that they do not think. On the contrary, they think—and worry—a lot! They also tend to fear making important decisions, although at the same time, they resist having anyone else make decisions for them. If Sixes feel that they have sufficient back up, they can move forward with some degree of confidence. But if that crumbles, they become anxious and self-doubting, reawakening their Basic Fear.
What am I going to do now? Sixes attempt to build a network of trust over a background of unsteadiness and fear. They are often filled with a nameless anxiety and then try to find or create reasons why. Wanting to feel that there is something solid and clear-cut in their lives, they can become attached to explanations or positions that seem to explain their situation. They therefore do everything in their power to keep their affiliations going.
I used to have to get the nod of approval from several hundred just joking! And even; Am I normal? You will feel the need to ask others in order to quieten your worries and your guilt. You long to be stable, to look stable and to be approved of by stable people. If you are a six you often feel dependent on other people and groups.
You are afraid of standing on your own. In order to become free a six must give up that dependency and trust herself. Swedish society is dominated by six values. People strive to belong and fit it. There is a group mentality, you do not want to stick out and look strange. You feel sorry for, and admire, people who are marginalized.
The Welfare State was like an idea of a safe home where everyone belongs. Fitting in or not is an internal conflict for a six. She may have a longing to break free from that pattern, but not dare take the risk to really break free and be her own. Big decisions will stress a six out. If you are a six you may find yourself pondering over questions that leave you no peace. At times this will keep you from fully plunging into life. Instead of enjoying what you are doing at the moment you are asking inwardly: Is this the right job for me?
Am I going to the right school? Do I really love my wife? And, in every situation, is my behavior right, and normal. Once a six has no big decision to make she may suddenly find herself enjoying life. When she stops worrying about whether she knows what she is doing and how it should best be done, she experiences a very nice logistic flow. Like she does not have to know, the knowing just presents itself when needed.
That makes her feel safe and capable. Simply put, when a six stops thinking, she can enjoy life. Sixes want to be good. Sixes are the good girls and boys of the Enneagram. The worst fear of a six is to suddenly discover she really is a bad person.
In reality, a six typically never harms a fly. A six does not like things being hidden or covered up. Paradoxically others may get the impression she is hiding things, because she confuses herself to the point that she really has no idea what she feels and wants. She feels pressure to give the honest report about how she feels and thinks about things. And she feels the same urge to know the real and honest status of the other.
There is almost a compulsion to report and be accountable. A six will avoid telling it all if she foresees conflict. A six hates it when someone is mad at her. It stirs up a lot of fear. That same fear is what underlies her need to report.
She will avoid conflict at any cost, for she fears not being able to cope and she feels she will be in the hands of the perpetrator. She does not want to feel like a puppet on strings. An unfree six idealizes safety, and absence of conflict. All in order to avoid being put on the spot, and experience fear.
A Questioner will also ask questions because she does in fact avoid being sure. For if she is sure, she can be put on the spot and made accountable. She prefers placing the responsibility on someone else, whome she makes her authority. In this inner logic, being sure makes you liable to exclusion from the group. It feels like a threat of being left alone. In reality, a six longs to contribute to the group.
She wants to be able to stand up for herself and take authority, but her fear holds her back. Sixes look to knowledgeable authorities to guide them, hoping to escape fear, doubt and indecision. A six may ask all her friends for advice, and then feel even more confused, contrasting all the new information. She will listen to, and then question, authorities, because this is a way to avoid being the authority herself.
Work is the sensitive area for a six. To her, work is a sense of community. More than anything else, she wants to feel she is at the right place, and with the right people. To have found that right place, where she can really flow and pour the best she has into it, is a sixes dream of fulfillment. And since work is so dear to her, the six has an extra hard time making job decisions.
Unfree sixes are very worried what others think of them. This wanting to be liked is always serving the deep seated need to be safe. Until a six accesses her own power, and finds her limits, she will be very dependent of the approval of others. Her need to be normal, fit in, be like the other kids, is fueled by the longing to belong somewhere, somehow.
A six wants to be safe, and comfortable that is her inner nine child. Sixes also have an eye for quality. This always has to do with being comfortable and safe. They like status, which is also a form of safety seeking. You can hide behind your title or your position, for lack of authentic authority.
Communication If you are a six you rely very much on verbal and written communication. And you believe it can solve most things. You simply do not imagine people would hide things, for you believe everyone wants all cards on the table, like you do.
A six tries to have a clear communication with people. If she does not succeed, she thinks she is not being clear enough. And tries to clarify things, communicating more. Sixes dislike vagueness and covering up. They want clarity and honesty and that is what they offer. Only when afraid of an angry reaction, will a six bite her tongue.
There just may not be enough flow of giving and receiving to sustain the relationship. Relationship Development for Givers with Givers: Pride connected to giving leading to tendency to be overly helpfuldifficulty receiving, inattention to own needs, anger when needs go unmet or when feeling unappreciated, over-connection in relationships, and unhealthy focus on gaining approval. What to Appreciate in Other Givers. Helpfulness, relationship orientation, genuine care and support, positivity, flexibility, and sensitivity to feelings.
Express own needs and desires directly and encourage other Giver to do the same. Practice getting into the natural flow of giving and receiving. Conflict occurs when Givers experience Performers as discounting feelings and relationship issues, while Performers experience Givers as getting off task and wanting too much time and attention. A cycle of increasing conflict can result with the two types polarizing — the Giver feeling rejected, getting emotional, and emoting anger and with the Performer feeling unrecognized and impatient and then disappearing into work.
This pattern can result in withdrawal and eventually in alienation end to the relationship. Positive accomplishment orientation, enthusiasm, hopefulness, efficiency, and material support. Balance relationship and goal orientations. Moderate shared characteristics of intensity, positivity, fast pace, and active force. Directly express own needs and desires.
Work on developing receptive force of simply being present in the moment. Inattention to feelings, excessive focus on work and accomplishments, desire for recognition, and shared focus of wanting approval and constructing a good image.
Relationships (Type Combinations) — The Enneagram Institute
Support and care, relationship orientation, generosity, positivity, flexibility, and sensitivity to the needs and feelings of others. Balance goal and relationship orientations. Pay attention to own deeper needs and desires. Type 2, the Giver, and Type 4, the Romantic Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Givers try to satisfy the apparently needy Romantics, attempting to fulfill their needs.
They can get caught up in the emotions and intensity of Romantics and lose their own sense of separateness. This cycle could lead to an unraveling of the relationship. Tendency to overdo helpfulness, desire to keep life up, difficulty with deep and darker feelings, and need for appreciation, approval, and attention.
Intensity, relationship orientation, idealization of what could be, depth of feelings, empathy, and authenticity. Practice steadiness since both types fluctuate emotionally. Work on becoming more self-directed and holding ground, especially in the presence of strong emotions and dissatisfaction.
Express own desires and needs. Remind the Romantic of what is positive and present. Need to feel special, not feeling satisfied or complete resulting in fluctuating emotions, tendency toward self-absorption and amplification of feelings, and difficulty appreciating what is present and positive.
Giving and caring quality, positive image, enthusiasm, desire to bring happiness, active forward moving energy, and flexibility. Work on assisting Givers in referencing to their own needs. Show appreciation and gratitude for the positives in life and for what Givers provide. This relationship is truly an attraction of opposites. However, in wanting more connection and acknowledgement, Givers try to bring Observers forward into feelings and more sustained contact.
Then Givers active energy can feel intrusive, overly emotional, and demanding to Observers, who then contracts and disengages. Angry outbursts, alienation, and even disruption of the relationship can ensue.
Tendency to overdo helpfulness and become intrusive and over emotional, need for appreciation, approval and attention, and difficulty sustaining a separate or independent self.
Develop own autonomy or independence and inner life. Work on moderating claims for time, energy, and connection. Encourage the Observer to move forward into life and feelings. Positivity and support, open-heartedness, engagement in life, social skills, generosity, and relationship focus. Move into feelings and stay engaged in life. Allow for dependency and nurturance. Thus, while appreciating Givers support and care, Loyal Skeptics may back off from or confront what they experience as too much attention.
A cycle of escalating conflict can result polarizing the situation with the Loyal Skeptic getting accusatory and the Giver getting emotional. Withdrawal can ensue as one or the other or both types attempt to reduce distress. Eventually, this pattern can cause a lasting disruption of the relationship. Tendency to overdo helpfulness, intrusive behavior, need for approval and attention, hidden dependence, and tendency to over influence with emotions. Questioning mind, healthy skepticism, loyalty, concern for underdogs, analytic skills, warmth, and endurance.
Notice and moderate intrusiveness the big forward-moving energyemotional claims, and helpfulness. Practice directness in expressing own needs and desires. Positivity and support, open-heartedness, responsiveness, genuine caring, generosity, and sensitivity to others.
Claim own authority and boundaries. State what actually is needed and desired. Encourage Giver to express own autonomy, needs, and desires. Reduce the tendency to magnify what can go wrong. Type 2, the Giver, and Type 7, the Epicure Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Both types enjoy the strengths they share in common — especially flexibility, friendliness and the love of freedom and the good life. However, Givers can find Epicures overly self-referencing and self-serving, hence not paying enough attention to the relationship or sufficiently reciprocating in give and take.
Givers can then feel neglected and unappreciated and become emotional, demanding, and guilt provoking. Epicures, on the other hand, can find Givers overly focused on others, intrusive, and too needy of attention. A cycle of ever-increasing conflict can occur as the Epicure, feeling smothered and limited, can respond with escapism and rationalization and the Giver with angry outbursts and emotionality, possibly resulting in alienation and deterioration and even destruction of the relationship.
Disowned needs and desires, preoccupation with relationship and connection, and tendency to become inadvertently emotionally controlling. The many interests and ideas, healthy self-interest, idealism, flexibility, and the shared optimism and quest for happiness Key Tasks for Building and Sustaining Relationship.
Develop autonomy the separate or independent self. Work on providing the Epicure with space while maintaining connection. Express own deeper feelings, needs, and desires. Allow for slowing pace and increasing receptive force.
Avoidance of painful feelings, difficulty accepting naturally occurring limits, tendency to avoid emotional commitment, and self-referencing to own interests and ideas. Giving and caring nature, strong relationship focus, generosity, and the shared optimism and quest for happiness Key Tasks for Building and Sustaining Relationship. Commit to the relationship while asserting boundaries. Allow in feelings and concerns. In turn, the Protector often resists the influence and may react to feeling contained or manipulated with more confrontation and anger.
Feeling rejected and devalued, the Giver may withdraw or burst out in anger and emotion. This all can result in a deep rift in the relationship and repeated cycles of uncontained reactivity leading to destruction of the relationship. Failure to focus on and express own needs, habit of altering to please, desire for attention and approval, intrusiveness, and potentially inadvertent emotionally manipulative behavior designed to soften and modify Protectors.
What to Appreciate in Protectors. Power and strength, assertiveness, encouragement and support of desires, zest for life, directness, and protectiveness. Practice holding ground, expressing self directly, and claiming own needs. Work at accepting, not changing, the Protector. Develop the separate or independent self. Become aware of and moderate intrusiveness and emotionality that the Protector experiences as controlling. Genuine care, helpfulness and willingness to give, sensitivity regarding feelings and relationships, and positive active energy.
Develop sensitivity to feelings and allow in own vulnerabilities. Manage energy expression and boundaries. Type 2, the Giver, and Type 9, the Mediator Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Givers and Mediators get along well together because they both are sensitive, pleasing, helpful, and accommodating. But conflict arises when Givers become overly helpful and intrusive in an effort to get Mediators to set priorities, take initiatives, and say what they need even though Givers have great difficulty themselves with experiencing what they need.
When this pattern persists, the relationship can deteriorate and even dissolve. Steadiness, patience, genuine care, acceptance of life, empathy, and the tendency to counter active energy with a slower pace and relaxed attitude. Notice and moderate emotions, pace, amount of advice. Develop and express own separate and independent self. Work at personal priorities and needs and encourage the Mediator to do likewise. Genuine care, helpfulness, empathy, sensitivity regarding feelings, liveliness, and positive active energy.
Work on own priorities, personal boundaries, and needs and encourage the Giver to do likewise. Take responsibility for own part in conflict. Be willing to confront intrusion and over giving.
They can live parallel yet supportive lives with each taking on the tasks necessary to function and attain goals. They may even become competitive, experience one another as obstacles in the path of attainment and success, and feel insufficiently recognized.
A cycle of ever-increasing conflict can result when this occurs. Then each can get frustrated, impatient, angry, and distance himself or herself from each other, leading to alienation and distant co-existence or dissolution of the relationship.
Inattention to feelings and relationship issues, excessive focus on work and accomplishments, desire for too much recognition, and difficulty slowing pace.
Relationship Type 6 with Type 7 — The Enneagram Institute
What to Appreciate in Other Performers. Notice pace and moderate pace and allow in the receptive force. Encourage expression of feelings in each other associated with the development of the receptive force. Create time for non-work related activities and simply the relationship. Recognize that love comes from being, not doing. Performers wanting approval try harder, yet often still disappoint the Romantic who pursues the ideal relationship.
This pattern can result in a sustained gulf between them and even lead to dissolution of the relationship. Idealism, deep feelings, sensitivity to others, creative disposition, and quest for authenticity and depth. Allow self to experience depth of true feelings and more receptive force. Pay attention to and support the relationship.
Attention going to what is missing rather than what is present, imbalance regarding feeling versus doing preoccupation with feelings and sometimes inattention to doingdesire for more attention and special treatment, and tendency to become self-centered.
Support for action, sustained effort, optimism, practicality, goal focus, and competence. Stay active and present even when feeling deficient.
Balance the human feeling side of endeavors with action. Acknowledge own sense of wanting more attention and depth. Type 3, the Performer, and Type 5, the Observer Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Performers and Observers support each other in work projects and shared activities.
As neither type habitually attends to feelings, they are unlikely to resolve the situation through dialogue and expression of personal feelings. They may become alienated and lonely leading eventually to termination the relationship.
Pressure to move ahead, focus mainly on tasks and goals, impatience with analysis, shared difficulty in expressing personal feelings, and tendency to cut corners.
Thoughtful analysis, thinking before doing, dispassion and relative calm under pressure, and undemanding quality. Allow for periods of inactivity and reflection while encouraging the Observer to stay engaged.
Work on shared difficulty in paying attention to feelings. Respect boundaries and different work styles. Notice and moderate the fast go ahead energy and pace.